DISOBEDIENT

I vaguely remember him. I mean, I was about two or so when he left. I spent the rest of my life having many ‘uncles’ more than almost my entire extended family. Were they really uncles? Mum said they were. If mum says, then they are, after all mum knows best. I wanted to ask, I really did but I couldn’t. I just imagined if he were there what could have changed. Would he take me to school like all the other kids? Or maybe he’ll buy me a nice football like Kevin’s. Mum says I looked exactly like him, so whenever I kept walking on the streets, I would curiously look around for a face like mine just to see if he actually exists. Or maybe he hides somewhere and watches over us secretly like that cartoon movie. The one where Rango’s dad passes notes and comforting messages over the window. I used to wait at the window on the right corner of our house just in case he did.

“Johnny, Uncle Lewis is here. Come say hae.” Mum called.

“Mum I am not feeling well. I will come later.”

“Come on Johnny, he will buy you your favourite movie. You say you wanted to watch X-Men?” Begged my mum.

“X-Men? Now? If we’re not going now then I am not coming. I will borrow Kevin’s and return it to him later.”

“Kevin? I warned you about going to Kevin’s house. Do you know what his dad says about…” She paused, tears hanging on her eyes. I sprang out of my bed, ran towards my mum and held onto her. Guilt consumed me and I kept muttering how I will never go to Kevin’s house again.

“Mary, is everything alright?” Uncle Lewis called.

“It’s alright. Was just asking Johnny to serve you some tea, I know you’re exhausted.”

That night I kept thinking. Kevin was my best friend. Mum never really liked him or his family. But Kevin wasn’t dirty, he was a clean boy. He used to wash utensils at home and bathe his younger sister. He would run to the shop very fast when sent and not forget what he was asked to buy. And he brought back all the change, never bought sweets even with the two shillings remaining. Mum always asked me to follow such examples. We would play football together and more often than not he would defeat me. He was two years older than me. How would I really avoid Kevin? Mum said I should. If mum says, then I should, after all mum knows best.

I remember that night. Mum beat me. She had never beaten me like that before. The cooking stick broke. I had left the door to our house open as I played football with Kevin. I knew the dangers. Things could be stolen. Mum did not have much money. She worked hard to buy our DVD player. And she said she bought it for me. I liked X-Men, and Avengers. I told her I’d protect her, like Hulk in Avengers does. But that day, I risked losing it, because I went to play instead of guarding the house. We never locked our house, the lock was too weak, mum said, and one could easily snap it and break in. Even so, I misplaced the key to our padlock, and mum hadn’t replaced it yet.

“I told you to stay in the house. Huh? Do you think he would replace all these things were they to be stolen? Do you think he even cares about you? All these years he’s seen you and done nothing. Leave that boy Kevin alone, stay in your house. And return that compact disk that his dad gave you.”

“Sorry mum. I was just playing football. I did not know. Am sorry. I won’t repeat again. Kevin’s dad said its fine if I stayed for a little longer.”

“What? Does he feed you? It’s either you obey me or him. The choice is yours.” Mum shrank. That night she did not eat. She went to bed very quiet. I watched her drag herself to the bedroom. I wanted to sleep on the couch. I couldn’t bear looking at mum like that. She’s all I had known. She takes me to school and makes sure I eat every day. Now I made her sad. But I thought I’m a good boy. What happened to me? The teacher always insisted we obey our parents at school. I disobeyed. Mrs. Lilian asked us to think of people who have no parents at all. Orphans. Those who do not have either a dad or a mum. They never complain. She often said we who had either or both of our parents were lucky. But now I made my mum sad. I went to mum’s bed and held onto her tightly. She muttered, ‘sleep Johnny’. I slept. When mum says ‘sleep’, you sleep, after all mum knows best. That was like a week ago.

The next day mum went with Uncle Lewis to the market. She instructed me to stay in the house and look after it. Uncle Lewis had promised to bring me the new X-Men movie; ‘X-Men Days of Future Past’. I promised myself not to hurt mum again. I would sit at the doorstep till mum and Uncle Lewis returned. I will not play with Kevin or leave the house again.

“Johnny let’s go play. I have the ball. My dad just bought it yesterday. He said we can play together.”

“No Kevin. I am not playing today. I have to look after the house. Mum will beat me if she finds out I left the house and went to play.”

“Uncle Lewis will defend you. My dad always defends me when my mum tries to beat me. He says kids could be corrected in other ways.”

“No,” I snapped, “my mum loves me. The teacher even said, ‘Spare the rod, and spoil the child.”

“In that case, why can’t we play here? You can watch over the house and play at the same time. Your mum comes home late in the evening from work.” This argument seemed compelling. I agreed. We played for like half an hour and then Kevin made a sliding tackle, I fell flat to the ground and hit my leg on a rock. I bled and collapsed.

The next time I regained consciousness I was in the hospital. I heard mum’s voice. It was a bit distant. She was irritated and seemed to be arguing with someone. Someone, who to me, seemed concerned.

“I warned that son of yours to stay away from Johnny. I told him. Haven’t you already caused me enough pain? You also want to take away my only son? Please leave us alone.” Mum was sobbing, again. I had yet disobeyed her. This time though she couldn’t beat me with a cooking stick. I wondered if Kevin’s dad would defend him this time from his mum. Just then, mum came in with Kevin’s dad. She looked at me and quickly looked away. She seemed nervous. Counting her fingernails and looking all over the room. She was moving around and then she stopped. Kevin’s dad was silent and in deep thought. He was standing behind mum. He moved a few steps and slightly bent towards my bed and asked,

“Johnny, how are you feeling?”

“Better.” I said.

I wondered why mum wouldn’t talk to me.

“Mum am sorry. I didn’t mean to do this. I thought…” I started apologetically.

“No Johnny, that’s fine. Focus on your recovery for now.” Kevin’s dad answered.

I looked at him, our eyes met. Kevin told me about his dad sometimes. He bought him a ball alright, but he also bought both of us lots of movies. He rarely stayed at home, but once in a while he would give both Kevin and I a ride to school. I never told mum about these rides, she would scold me. He also buys us lollipop sweets a lot, my favourite being the mango flavour. I usually hide it in my pocket if mum appears and risks asking me where I got the money from. Due to the sweet’s stickiness, it tends to leave a mark in my pocket shorts. Mum would get angry when washing my clothes and once made me wash my own shorts because I failed to listen to her. I liked Kevin’s dad, but he’s not my dad. And I just hoped that he wouldn’t punish Kevin because of me. Or at least protect Kevin from his mum, I don’t like her. She beats him a lot.

Mum had moved out. She let Kevin’s dad and me in the ward room. Kevin’s dad stepped outside and in a minute they were arguing again.

“Look at my son now. Look at him. I didn’t even notice those marks on his chest. How could I not? I mean what kind of a mother am I?”

“It’s okay Mary, I wanted to help and you turned me down, always. Let me help.”

They were a bit loud, and I feared the doctor might appear and send them away. But it was about 10am, and most patients were up and basking in the sun. Some patients’ family members also made visits and hence there was enough noise, just enough to make my mum and Kevin’s dad sound a little quieter.

“No, stay away from him, tell that son of yours to stay away from him too. I don’t need your help.” Mum said sternly.

“Mary you need my help, you can’t continue like this, you’re overworking yourself.” Kevin’s dad said.

“I said leave my son alone! He’s all I have left for God’s sake. Please!” She was shouting now.

“Is he?”

“Take your money and lock yourself up. Just don’t drag Johnny into this! Okay? Don’t drag my son into this!” She was agitated.

“But he’s my son too! I have a right, don’t you think?” He snapped.

Silence.

They turned their necks and saw me looking at them with my back raised up slightly supported by my arms.

The nurses were fast approaching, but they retreated as if they understood what was happening.

Mum rushed towards me. As if wanting to close my ears before Kevin’s dad’s words shot through them. She bent down on her knees and hugged me tightly.

“Am sorry Johnny.” She wept. I was preparing a long apology for my disobedience but now mum was saying ‘am sorry?’

She stopped weeping and used her arms to wipe her tears.

She looked at me. My mouth was wide agape, tears were forming into my eyes. I was silent.

Kevin’s dad was standing behind her all along, he glanced at us and turned away, nervously thinking.

I looked away. I turned to my mum and she read my mind.

“It’s a long story. Get well first.” Kevin’s dad looked at me again and moved towards my bed. The only thing I could think of is, that he would defend me from mum’s beatings whenever I was wrong.