Watch the news and adopt a sombre mood. Feel really bad about the horrific happenings in the continent. Switch off the TV and get off social media, you’ve done your civic duty. Alternatively, if you have a Nigerian friend, send them a text about how sorry you are about police brutality in their home country. Or if you know a Ghanaian, mention something about how you’re strongly against child-trafficking. If you consider yourself an intellectual, bring out Congo’s history with minerals and how King Leopold’s work is still being carried out, just this time by different parties. Do all that because you care, you’re a good African citizen. To top the list though, just avoid all these negative energy coming from this dammed continent. Don’t even care to find out. Your life is good and you only tolerate positive vibes.
Photo Credits: Oladimeji Ajegbile (Instagram)
Attend the rallies. All of them. The leaders have called for you and you ought to oblige. That’s what good citizens do. But don’t; don’t wear a mask. Also don’t; don’t question. However, do not hesitate to call out the President for increasing Covid-19 cases. Argue out how a lockdown will hurt the economy and your family. Because you care. If you get a chance, get live on TV and state how fake the Covid-19 numbers are. Make sure to let your fellow citizens know that they’ve been made up and that your country is Covid-19 free. Few weeks later, sympathise with your friend’s family for losing a member due to the virus. Send caution to the rest of the citizens about how dangerous this virus is and include a very emotional message. The following day, forget your mask yet again because you’re human. Humans do forget, blame it on your poor memory. It’s honestly completely understandable. At least I find it understandable.
Bash your neighbour for being mentally weak. Tell him or her about mental strength and how Africans are naturally tough especially amidst adversities. Don’t bother to listen to the details. Dismiss the fact that they’ve lost their jobs and their kids need food on the table. That’s everyone’s problem, they’re just mentally weak. Fail to understand and just to demonstrate, go on social media and post your latest trip to Maasai Mara and the exotic foods you’re enjoying. Depression is a disease for the whites. Blacks are strong. That same evening, watch that video of a young man who committed suicide because of depression and really sympathise, in fact, shed a tear or two to show you care. Because you care. Nonetheless, don’t change your long held belief of how strong Africans are or rather, should be. We’re superhuman, yaaaaaay!
Don’t protest unless you’re directly affected. Stay in the house because you care for your wellbeing and image. Image is important, attend rallies nonetheless. To show your support, just type something on social media and hope someone sees it. Your social media is generally for posting fun stuff. You’re a very positive person remember. If it directly affects you however, call for help. Ask others to join you and condemn those who don’t. You’re not entitled, their solidarity in your situation is just an act of a good citizen.
If you happen to be Kenyan and they release a document to be voted on, turn a blind eye. Do not engage; you’re apolitical. However, years later complain about not having a job. Feel the pinch and now actually blame the government. On voting day, don’t bother to vote. You just do not care. If you’re from a region where the locals force you to step out and vote, just mark anything or make it a spoilt vote. It's not your problem. When the economy tanks, be vocal about it. Talk to your friends about it and complain about your terrible country. If you have a relative abroad, consider your options. Your parents can stay in the home country, you’ll send them money, ooh in dollars! (See you on our streets mate)
Photo Credits: Ogo (Instagram)
To be a truly good African citizen, be very vocal about everything African. Be an expert and comment about everything. Not with facts but of course with your biases. Make sure you leverage this with your higher education that automatically qualifies you. You care about your continent and you’re just making your voice heard. Do nothing on the ground, hide in your privilege and hope that someday someone will elect you and have you prove to them what a fearless leader you are.
Do all that because you care. If after all this nothing changes, just look away, pause as if to think for a bit and say, “Irriz what irriz.”
Irriz what irriz😅😂... Nice job bigman!